


Breathe you in, slip from my grasp

by Sipsthytea



Category: Attack Attack! (Band), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depressed Reiner Braun, F/M, Female Friendship, Female Reader, Female pronouns, Gabi slander, Gen, I love falco, Multi, POV Reiner Braun, Post-Time Skip, Reiner is going thru it, Reiner needs a hug, Season/Series 03, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Soft Reiner Braun, pls he’s my baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29361555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sipsthytea/pseuds/Sipsthytea
Summary: After four years of being separated from the love of his life, here she is. Peering at him through metal bars, here eyes steeled over with rage.“It’s been a while, Reiner...”**SPOILERS**
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Reader, Reiner Braun/Reader
Comments: 34
Kudos: 102





	Breathe you in, slip from my grasp

**Author's Note:**

> THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4 AND FOR THE MANGA
> 
> This diverges from the anime and manga, so, if you haven’t seen either one, just know that this doesn’t actually happen.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy🥺

“Vice War Chief!” A voice cried. The darkness loomed entirely over Reiner’s eyes. He couldn’t quite focus, colors swimming within his vision. The sounds didn’t quite reach his ears, fuzzy and thick. 

“Vice War Chief!” The voice cried again, it was clearer this time. Striking through him, like a cord pulled taught within his body, it made him groan. 

‘ _Stop_ ,’ he thought, ‘ _Please. Just leave me alone.’_

He suddenly shook, rocking his head, hands grabbing at his clothes and lifting him as best they could off the floor. It was cold, his joints stiff, neck aching. He didn’t quite know where he was, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care. It was a thought in the back of his mind, shielded behind his anger. 

“Reiner!” Gabi. Why is Gabi screaming? Why is she pulling on his clothes? 

“Vice War Chief, please wake up!” Flaco. His voice sounds thin and strained, similar to the way it did when Reiner cornered him that one night on the train. Towering over him, hand pressed firmly against the train cart door, eyes wide and glaring. He didn’t know why he’d done that, but Reiner needed to know that Falco would step up. He needed Falco to be the next Armored, it couldn’t be Gabi. 

Selfish, Reiner knows, but he wouldn't allow it to happen. 

He cracked open his eye, quickly shutting it when he was met with a bright light. He groaned and sat up, his bones shifting within him, a ray of pay sprouting through his back. 

“Reiner!” Gabi shouted again, jumping against him. Her sudden weight caused Reiner to retract his body, groaning out. 

She scrambled to stand, face bruning, “Sorry.”

Putting up a dismissive hand, he looked around him. Eyes squinting to adjust to the lighting of the room, as dim as it was it still managed to irritate his eyes. Blood was rushing in his ears, causing him to grit his teeth and press his hand out. Gabi quickly took hold of his forearm, calling out for Flaco to help. Both kids got him to his feet and he swayed, stabilizing himself against the wall. 

“What happened?” He croaked, “Where are we?”

He scanned the room and it rang a strange feeling of similarity. The stone walls, smoothed and cool to the touch, dividing into a cobblestone floor, touchelight a soft yellow and orange color, the crackling of the flames filling the silence. Shading his face in a looming shadow, bars stood, tall and proud. He was in a cell. A _prison_ cell.

“Well -”

“We’re on the island,” Gabi seethed, her voice low and dripping with venom, “They came to our homeland and killed _our_ people,” her words grew thicker as she continued. Her eyes glowing challengingly, filling with a pride that reminded him erily of Eren. 

Eren. 

He hadn’t thought of that name in a long time. The person sure, but not the name. It made everything harder if he tried to remember the names. And the island. He was back on this damn island, surrounded by walls and fools who don’t know any better. 

“They...they killed Zofia and - and,” She tried, her shoulders slouched, tears gathering in her bright glare. 

Falco laid a soft hand on her shoulder, “Are you alright, Vice War Chief?”

Nodding, Reiner stepped closer to the bars tentatively. He was angry but he didn’t know why. Something dark flurried in his veins at the mention of Zofia’s death. And seeing how Udo wasn’t here, he was probably dead too.

“What about Zeke and Pieck and Porco?” He questioned, his eyes never left the bars, letting his hands slip between them, reaching out towards the narrow hallway. The guard quickly rushed forwards, smacking his hand with the butt of his rifle, scowling at him. 

Reiner had never seen him before, if he had to guess this guy - or this kid - was a new recruit or a part of the Military Police. 

“They were all captured too,” Falco responds, his voice is sad, “My brother is with them...but I don’t know where they are.”

_Shit_. Them being split up in an unknown location didn’t make things any better. He began to rack his brain, trying to remember something, anything. Screwing his eyes closed and holding up a silencing hand when the two kids tried to question him about it, Reiner thought long and hard. 

_Eren_. 

That name rang within him again. That’s right. Beneath the stage, Eren had…

He reached up quickly, finger brushing across his face, feeling the tell-tell signs of a titan transformation. He looked over at Falco and Gabi, “Are you hurt?” He pulled them both closer, examining their hands and faces. 

“No,” Falco said, “We’re fine.”

His voice sounded hollow, it sounded angry, but lost. The look in his eyes was distant, the soft grey darkened to resemble spilled ink. It made something within Reiner tighten. No, these children were supposed to be _different_. They were never supposed to be here on this island, they were never _supposed_ to be placed in that position that others had all those years ago. These children were _supposed_ to live. It was _supposed_ to be different this time. 

Turning on his heel, he marched up to the bars, gesturing towards the soldier, “I need to speak with someone.”

But the soldier made no movement, not even sparing him a glance. Head straightforward, jaw locked, hand holding his rifle close to his side. _That son of a bitch._

“Look,” Reiner reasoned, “I really need to speak with someone, please.”

The soldier just kept staring and looking.

_“Look -!”_

“We heard you,” A voice interrupted, voice cutting through the screeching sound of a door being opened. Hinges squealing loudly, must be a big door. It slammed shut a few moments later, footsteps echoing through the narrow hallway. They were light and steady, following a cadence, soldiers. There were two, increasing in volume, putting Reiner on edge. 

The voice seemed to tinge on the edges of familiarity, as the shine of their boots came into view the soldier went stiff - if that were even possible - throwing his fist over his chest, “Sir!”

The light of the flame washed over them, casting light to their clothes and faces. The first person, a guy. He stood tall, probably about as tall as Reiner or even taller, his hair was a sandy brown, swept over his forehead. His face was long, jawline sharp, stubble appearing at his chin. He was familiar. He was…

“Long time no see,” He said, voice cold and unamused.

“ _Jean_?” Reiner asked, voice trembling. So, he hadn’t died. He wasn’t dead. Then that must mean that - 

“Yeah,” another voice said, “It _has_ been a while.” There was no mistaking who that was, Reiner would never be able to forget that voice, or her presence, or the way she breathed. He knew exactly who she was, of course, he did. 

Her name slipped past him before he could stop himself, it was a foreign feeling, but one he savored. He hadn’t spoken her name in years, he hadn't realized how much he would miss the fluctuation of the syllables and consonants. 

When she stepped into the light all Reiner could think of was how beautiful she was. How amazing the light reflected off her eyes, or the way the hair was parted, or the way she scowled at him. He wanted to reach out for her, to hold her again. He had so much to tell her, so much to ask her. 

Reiner hadn’t realized he was actually reaching through the bars until Jean’s hand stopped him, “Stop.” Is all he said.

But she looked unfazed, staring at him with her arms crossed before her gaze moved over to the kids at her side. Falco held Gabi’s arm as she bit her lips harshly, tears still gathered in her eyes, she tried to walk towards the bars. 

“So,” She began, her voice was bone-chilling, deep in her throat and smoothed, “You’re the one that did it?” 

Reiner turned to look at Gabi. She was here the whole time, what could she have done?

“ _I did!_ ” Gabi exclaimed, trying to wiggle out of Falco’s grip, eyes wide, an unnerving smile on her face, “It was me!”

Jean grimiced, jaw clenching, he turned to her. She just looked on with her empty eyes, the color drained in favor of anger. She rolled her head back, a small pop emanating through the room, “And you’re _proud_ of that?”

This time it’s Flaco that speaks up, probably his pent up anger. As understanding and even impartial as he could be, there was no denying his feelings. He was just a boy after all, “Are _you_?”

Their gazes snap to him and he seems to shrink, but Reiner just pulls him behind him, “That’s enough,” he says finally, hoping his voice sounds more confident than he feels. He’s trembling, his hold on Falco a weak one. If the wind blew the right way, it would probably allow the boy with enough room to slip out.

“You’re right,” Jean says, slipping his hands into his pockets, moving to stand just before the bars, the fabric of his shirt ghosting over the metal, “It _is_ enough. We didn’t want to start this, Reiner, we’re finishing it.”

“Jean,” Reiner begins, “This won’t change anything...what Bertholdt, Annie and I....what we did is done.”

She finally speaks up, adjusting her weight on her feet, “It is. It’s done and there’s nothing you can do about it. All those people - all of _our_ people - have already died.”

Her words feel like a slap to the face, heavy and pressing against him like a stiff accusation. It brings his eyes down, using the shadows the two produce as a cover for his gaze. The ground is suddenly interesting, the groves of the cobblestone grabbing his attention. 

The silence fills the space heavily, it’s suffocating. And to Reiner’s surprise, it’s Falco that breaks it, “But now our people have died...now, our people - _my_ people are dead…”

He sounds like he might cry, his words are shaky and nasally. He shakes, pressing his face into Reiner’s side, trying to shield it away from the view of the others, fingers clutching onto his tattered jacket, knuckles going white. He’s trying to be strong, it makes Reiner’s heart clench, he places a soft hand on Flaco’s shoulder. This kid. _God_ , he saw so much of himself in Falco it made his head spin and his stomach drop down to his ass. 

Flaco’s sniffles fill the room again, Jean averting his gaze, bringing his hands over his ears. She turns to him, placing a comforting hand on his bicep, her eyes shift, suddenly full of concern and warmth. She whispers something to him, voice not quite reaching Reiner’s ears. It makes something burn within him, something that feels empty, hollow. 

“You’re right,” She concludes, a crease in her brow forming, “You’re right...and I wish it could be different.” Her words are almost emotional, teetering on the edge of tears and sobs, but held back by will power, by strength. 

A memory comes flooding back to him. She stood on a rooftop, the bright light shining behind her. It illuminated her outline, he could see the full presence of her body, a first in years. The wind blew slightly, hair swaying. She stood tall chest high, her hands were steady at her side, metal armor on her chest, glinting. The survey corps emblem glowed against the black skin-tight bodysuit. It seemed to be taunting Reiner, a reminder of those he betrayed , those he left and those he loved. It hurt to look.

But shining the brightest, were the thunderspears that lay flat on her side, resting against her forearms. She’s the epitome of fight, of courage, of a _soldier_.

And even here, in the dim lighting of the hallway, standing across from him with a blank stare, she was all fight and fire...and he loved her. He loves her more than anything and it makes his head spin. 

He whispers her name, it’s soft. Soft enough to miss, but of course, she doesn’t. She never misses anything. She raises her hand to gesture upwards toward Jean, “I’ll be ok,” she assured, “You can go on.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” She decides, gripping onto the bars tighter, “I’ll be fine.”

Jean leaves with furrowed brow, hesitating to step away from her. Though Reiner wanted him to leave, he couldn’t deny the sense of gratitude. Jean cared, she was safe because she was surrounded by people who cared about her - who once cared about him. As he continued to walk, he came to a sudden halt, before turning, “If she tells me that you so much as _look_ at her wrong,” his amber eyes find Gabi, “I’ll kill you myself.” 

She lets out a small huff of amused air, pressing herself against the wall, a few inches away from the soldier, “You can go too,” she says. Her voice isn’t commanding, but it’s not a question either.

The soldier jumps, as if he wasn’t expecting her to speak to him, he turns to her, rifle faltering, “B-But Squad Leader…”

She offers him a kind smile and Reiner can feel jealousy built within him. It wasn’t that he never wanted her to smile at other people, but he hadn’t seen that smile in years. He hadn’t seen her in years. She looked like a breathing memory, he wanted to hold her hands, or to press butterfly kisses to her cheeks, he wanted to explain, to apologize. 

The soldier salutes her once more, sending a glare at those behind the bars, before stepping out the narrow hallway. 

“You look like shit,” She mutters, cocking her head. 

Reiner could laugh, he could if he didn't want to burst into tears. Emotion building at the base of his throat. He’s glued to the bars, almost pressing his face against them. She just watches him through the bars and her face is so hard to read, there’s no furrow in her brow, or quick of her lips. Just her blank stare.

He says her name again, it comes out as a plea.

She lets out a hum and moves her attention to Gabi and Falco, “Oh, hello.” 

She introduces herself. Telling them her name, the fact that she’s a squad leader, and that she was a part of the 104th Training Corps. 

Those last words strike him harder than he wants, basically pierce through him. Pain bubbles within him as he tries to push away that ever-present memory of Marco. It burns as he shoves it away, the echoing screeches of his guilt building louder than Marco’s screams. 

He pulled away from his thoughts sharply by the mention of his name, “- Reiner survived! But you monsters killed Bertholdt!”

Falco watches on horrified, “...Gabi…”

She tries to reach for her arm, pull her back, but she continues, “You’ve destroyed my _home_ ! You’ve killed my - my friends and family! _You devil!_ ”

But she is unwavering, “I could say the same or you,” Her words sounds warm, but her face is dark, the shadows of memories and blood splatters playing over her skin in the flamlight, “Did you forget that it was your people who came to Paradise first?”

Gabi opened her mouth as if to respond, but she didn’t get the chance to, the words were never ending, “I wish it could be different, I truly do, but sadly, right now, it’s not.”

Gabi’s gaze falters, angered eyes softening just a bit, stealing quick glances at Reiner, like she expected him to do something, but he couldn’t do a damn thing. He wanted to tell her to stop talking, but the truth rendered him speechless. 

“But,” she said, rolling her head back, “it’s not something I can blame you for, you didn’t do it.”

This time, the young girl's demeanor falls apart melting into one of confusion. She was confused, astounded as to how this devil could be a person. At how they knew sympathy, they knew compassion and loss. Reiner knows because he remembers _being_ there. Questioning all he was taught as a child when these monsters - these children of the devil - were frightened and scared of one thing. These people had hopes and dreams, they loved and lost. There were shitty people, but there were also good people, honest people. Like _her_. 

His angel in the devils lair. 

Reiner’s head started to pound, rushing in his ears and causing the world around him to sway. 

“I can’t even blame _you_ ,” she snorted.

Reiner looked at her with a stunned aze, eyes wide and mouth dropped open. Her words didn’t seem real, but they were. She meant it. 

“I should,” she continued, “But I don’t,’ she pursed her lips, dropping her hand from the bar and pressing her fingers against the base of her neck. The rough outline of a small object could be seen, but Reiner couldn’t quite make out what it was, “Or maybe I can’t.”

She breathed for a few moments and no one spoke, eating every word that came out from her mouth, but the silence never quite settled. 

“I once loved a man,” she said softly, not making eye contact with anyone. Her eyes were distant, but soft. Her face looked younger, more care free. It was all hope and light, her eyes illuminated as she continued, “This man was strong and beautiful. We all relied on him, trusted him.”

She stopped to breathe a bit, “He was a leader and a soldier...and I loved him. He was my first love and - as I say,” for the first time her eyes found Reiners, “The love of my life.”

Her words drained the remaining resolve from his body, knees growing weak, crashing painfully onto the floor, but neither Gabi or Falco dared to move. 

“We all would have died for him...I would have died for him,” Her words are suddenly bitter, anger tinting the once warm tone, “And he _lied_ to us...he lied to all of us.”

“I _loved_ him and he **lied** to me,” She whispered, shaking her head, finally crouching down to try and capture Reiner’s attention. He actively avoided her searching stare, keeping his eyes trained on his hands as they fell into his lap, “Reiner,” she called, voice calm and smooth but it burns to hear.

“Reiner.”

_‘Please, stop,’_ he doesn’t say.

“Reiner.”

He finally looks at her, tears in his eyes, the world crumbling beneath his feet. His heart is hammering and it feels like he can't’ breathe. But in his breathless chaos he manages to wheeze out her name. It’s like a prayer that leaves his lips, a call for salvation. For his angel.

She just gives him a sad smile, her eyes are empty. They look drained and now that he can see her more clearly, he can see that _she_ looks drained.

The haunting memory of her face on that day. Wide eyes, fear swimming in them, hanging off the wall with her ODM gear. She stared up at him and Bertholdt, angry, as he slid down the wall - scraping it to hell - he could see her heart shatter. He’d broken her heart and for what? For Marley? For his mother? For his dead-beat father? For Marcel? 

He’d broken her warm gaze for a dream that died when she first whispered, ‘I love you,’ against his lips in the dead of night. The first time she broke down in his arms and told him the stories of her family, of her brother. The first time she took his face into her hands and kissed him. The first time he allowed himself to fall apart, letting out shuddering tears and bruning cries of how he was a monster. The first time she told him he wasn’t. The first time they wore to stay alive, to get married. That dream died the first time he saw her.

He broke her and it broke him. 

She just studies his face, rocking back on her heels, elbows resting on her bended knees. They’re eye level, but Reiner doesn’t know what to say or do. He doesn’t even know how to breathe.

“I love him,” she whispers, and then she turns to look at Reiner, capturing his eyes, challenging him to look away, and he can't...he just can't, “I loved you.”

The difference isn’t big, he could have missed it, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t miss it at all. She goes lax, shoulders hunching, the weight of his body pressing against his calves, eyes glued to her. 

“ _He_ loves me,” she doesn't shake her gaze.

“And _you_...you loved me...once,” she whispered, the torchlight illuminating the side of her face, casting an unwavering shadow across the stone. It pooled around Reiner, drenching him in darkness. 

She reached beneath the collar of her shirt, pulling out a simple necklace. The string was made of thin rope tied in a hasty little knot at the base of her neck. However, glittering in the light was a ring. It was thin and silver, the craftsmanship was mediocre at best. It wasn’t a perfect circle, misshapen and bent, it had seen better days. There was nothing particularly special about it, nothing that set it apart from others, nothing that made it better than others. And yet, Reiner still found himself gulping, tightening his grip on his pants. 

The sadness in her voice makes Reiner angry, there was no ‘loved’. He hadn’t ‘loved’ her at all. Loved can’t exist because he still _loves_ her, he loves her. He loves her. He _loves_ her. 

“Yes,” she whispered glancing at the ring before rolling her head to catch Reiner’s open-mouthed gaze, “Yes, you loved me once.”

Her eyes were the opposite of her face. Relaxed and calm clashed with the anger and sadness that spoke volumes. The crinkle between her eyebrows wasn’t there anymore, but she did have a scar running beneath her jaw, curling towards her neck. 

He doesn’t remember it being there. As he hastily searches her face and hands for any other injuries, she shakes her head. With a sigh, lifting herself from her crouched position and standing, “Or maybe,” she utters, eyes low, tucking the necklace back into her shirt, “Maybe you didn’t.”

Her footsteps through light prodding against the stone floor seemed to rock through Reiner’s soul. When she left, another soldier took her place, standing against the wall, rifle pressed closer to his right side. 

There was an answer on Reiner’s lips, it sat heavily against his tongue. He had the truth, he longed to tell her the truth. 

“Reiner, she’s bluffing, right?” Gabi pressed, looking at him with wide and fearful eyes. “She’s _lying_ ,” she muttered letting a hand come up to her head, a nervous smile stretching across her face, “She has to be...you would fall for a -”

“Gabi. _Stop_.”

Reiner’s voice was trembling, cracking and raw. His eyes were wide, tears gathered in them, threatening to fall. He’s still collapsed on the floor, looking beyond the steel bars of the cell. Staring numbly at the empty space left by her departure. 

“Gabi,” Falco gently chides, pulling her away from him, “Just _drop_ it.”

But she is unrelenting, eyes going wider, dropping to her knees beside Reiner, reaching for her arm, “Please say it’s not true! She seduced you, _right_!? She forced you, right? You don’t love her. She - she’s a de-”

The worlds are shoved right back into Gabi’s mouth, Reiner slapping his hand over her lips, screwing his eyes closed, he pleads, letting his head fall against his shoulder, “Please...just **_stop_ **.”

Gabi sat there stunned, mouth agape sounds escaping, but never quite forming words. Her body is rigid, the nervous smile falling from her face. Falco looks on sadly, averting his eyes and pressing a hand to his ear.

He just wants to go home. 

__________

“Are you hungry?”

It’s been a few hours since Reiner’s world decided to fall apart; since he was forced to face the music of the things that he’s done. Drowning his feelings in a corner, collapsing into it, picking at the dust and dirt that crammed within the floor. 

No one offers the voice an answer, but Reiner can still hear the soft screech of a plate or two, “You’ll need to eat,” the voice adds gently. 

If Reiner thought hard enough, he’d be able to tell who the voice was. But he doesn’t want to think at all, he doesn’t want to try and re-create the feelings he went through during his years on the island. His eyes pressed shut, gently leaning against the cool stone. He couldn’t face the other two, god, knows he couldn’t even face himself. 

“Thank you,” a small voice adds, it’s Falco. Ever trusting, ever kind. _Falco_. The two of them had been thrown in here with him because Gabi refused to leave his side and Flaco refused to leave hers. 

This was a truly shit situation.

The soldiers’ steps began to retreat, dull clicks against the stone. The heavy door at the end of the narrow, dimly lit hallway, lets out a loud whine. The steel hinges groaned in a way that shook Reiner’s bones, then, after a few moments, there was a snap. A lock. 

_That’s right._

They were prisoners. 

Soft shuffling filled the silent cell, then the silence returned, then the deafening sound of a slap. 

“You idiot! Are you trying to die?!” Gabi’s voice raised, clashing the silence that settled softly among their shoulders. Her voice made Reiner shrink further away, why did he have to be here? Why did this have to happen?

Why couldn’t he have just let Bertholdt and Annie convince him to abandon the mission? To just come home? 

“Gabi!” Falco whisper shouted, “ _Stop_! Why -”

“You don’t know what those _devils_ put in there? You don’t know what you’re eating! _Are you a dumbass?!_ ” She shrieked, there was the loud crash of metal pans and cups. It filled him a strange semblance of familiarity, made something settle within him momentarily. 

But he didn’t rest for very long, the memory of her visit still fresh in his mind. Her words weighed heavily on him. “ _Or maybe you didn’t.”_

Of course he did, that’s why he’s always tried so hard to deter any plans to attack the island again. Making his information too vague or too useless. He tried, god, _he tried._

____

Reiner bit slowly into the apple that Falco rolled over to him, gently rubbing it against his shirt to clean off any dirt. It hadn’t even been a whole day and he was itching beneath his skin. He’d spent years without her, but now he _knew_ she was _here,_ that she was _alive_. He felt as if he could feel her heartbeat through these walls, but he wanted - no - he needed to hear it. To feel the rhythm of life pump within her, to press his ear to her chest and know that she was alright. Because even if she was injured, even if she was on the _brink of death_ , as long as he could hear her heartbeat, the world remained whole. 

“Vice War Chief,” Falco called, his voice was timid, unsure. And Reiner knew why, they’d just watched their nation collapse. They’d just witnessed friends and family die before them. And Falco was just a boy. He didn’t know what to say. Neither did Reiner, but he tried to start somewhere. 

He held up a dismissive hand, “Just - Just Reiner,” he tried to offer the young boy a quick smile, but didn’t have it in him. His soul pressing against his heart, a headache thumping dully in his head. 

“O-Ok... _Reiner,_ ” he tested, a look of discomfort passing over his face, “That - that woman...you met her while on Paradis, right?”

Reiner couldn’t shy away from the question, so he let his head fall back against the stone, “Yeah, I met her on Paradis when I infiltrated their military.”

“Is it true then?” Falco whispered, eyes looking up at him, they weren’t judging, or angry. His eyes were swimming with curiosity and even a tint of sadness.

And even though he didn’t say what he was talking about, Reiner knew. He knew exactly what the other was asking about and he couldn't find it within him to be angry. 

“Yeah,” he sighed, draping his hand over his eyes, “It’s true.”

Falco went silent, pulling at the loaf of bread he held, picking at the fibers. Gabi was asleep in a corner, her head tucked into her arms, laid on her side, She’d worn herself out kicking and screaming at the guard. It had gotten to the point that the soldier’s shift changes were sped up. But there she lay, dead to the world.

The same person brought them food and water, and when they returned a second time, they explained a little more, “Tomorrow, the commander wants to speak with you, all of you, so, get some rest.” 

It was Armin. His voice seemed deeper, more hollow than before. The natural brightness and intelligence that usually accompanied his tone were muted. Dark and empty, but still kind. 

War can do that to people, Reiner supposes. 

“You’re not tired?” Reiner dares to break the silence after Armin leaves. 

Falco looks up at him from the rin of his metal cup, quickly swallowing the water, “I-I _am_ ,” he admits shyly, “But I can’t sleep.”

Reiner hums. Yes, he knows those feelings. Survivors guilt. _Anger_. Confusion. _Remorse_. He knows that all too well. 

Truth be told, he can’t sleep either. The shock is still heavy in his bones, downing him in alertness and paranoia. God, he hates this. 

“You should try to get some sleep,” Reiner offers, letting his spine press into the rigid stone and relishing in the pop that arises from his actions. He looked over at Gabi, something settling within in his whirlwind chest, allowing him to breathe, “Maybe be a little more like Gabi.”

Falco snorts, gesturing towards her sleeping figure, eyes shining with humor, “Yeah, she can sleep through just about anything.”

The familiarity lightens the space, silence settling upon their shoulders easily. A breath of fresh air in the cramped cell. They don’t speak, just sitting, listening to the soft sounds of Gabi snoring. With the peacefulness of exhaustion beginning to pull at his own eyelids, Reiner looks over at Falco. Stifling a small chuckle when he sees the boy trying his best to keep his head up, to keep his eyes open. Falco plucking at his hair or his arms. 

Reiner knows he won’t be able to sleep, but that doesn’t mean Falco should face the same fate, “Hey,” he says, voice hardly above a whisper, “Try to get some sleep.” 

Falco looks at him, and for a moment, it looks like he has something to say, but he shakes his head with an embarrassed huff, “You should try too.”

His words and concern bring a gentle smile to Reiner’s face, “I will.”

Lowering himself down the wall, spine pressed against a corner, arms folded over each other, Falco utters, “Goodnight, Reiner.”

The words don’t quite sound right, hesitation shading them, but it’s enough to put Reiner at ease, “Goodnight, Falco.”

__________

He supposes that he must have fallen asleep because Reiner awakes with a start, a gasp rising in his throat and in his ears: Gabi’s screeching. 

“ **LET US OUT!”** She cries, pulling at the bars with a growl, studying her feet between two iron rods and yanking at the door, “Let. Us. Out!”

The guard pays her no mind, letting out an exasperated sigh and adjusting the rifle on her shoulder, who knows how long she’s been at this. 

“Mr. Braun,” A voice pops up, breaking through Gabi’s constant yelling, “You’re awake.”

Falco looks over at him, eyes wide and bright (well, brighter than yesterday). His hands drop from his ears, a weary smile on his face, jogging over to Reiner. The name he calls isn’t what Reiner told him, but he supposes it’s better than ‘Vice War Chief.’

Turning at Falco’s words, Gabi hops down from her stance on the bars, a smile on her face, but a crease in her brow, “Reiner!”

He sits up, letting out a soft groan. The cell looks the same way it did the other day. A thin layer of dirt, the smooth grey stone and casting shadows over his face, the steel bars.

He’s a prisoner. _Right_.

“Have they brought food yet?” He asks, voice gruff with sleep. He’s not particularly hungry, but these children are under his care, and he’ll be damned if he lets them starve just because they’re stubborn. 

“Yes,” Falco answers, “But they said they’d bring your once you woke up.”

The young boy looks over to the soldier on duty. It’s a woman. Her skin is tanned and dark brown bangs obscure her eyes, but he’s sure she can see. A few questions pass his mind. What training corps was she in? Did they still do that? Did she know Eren, Jean, Armin? Did she know _her_? 

“Excuse me,” Falco begins, pulling at his fingers, but just as he opens his mouth again, Gabi cuts him off, pushing him to the side. 

“Reiner’s awake! He needs food!” She says, her voice loud and booming, resting a hand on her hip. She cocks her head, daring the soldier to tell her anything. And it looks like she just might, letting her lips fall apart and taking the smallest step forward.

But just as he does the door lets out a loud groan, hinges squeaking in a way that has them cover their ears. The soldier goes stiff, ironing her back to the wall, tightening her grip on the sling, mouth clamping shut. She suddenly moves, throwing her fist to her left side, letting it rattle her rifle, “ _Commander_!” She calls.

Footsteps cut through the silence. The click of boots against the stone rattling Reiner’s soul. Commander? _Erwin_? Or did he die? Was he alive?

Falco and Gabi subconsciously moved closer to Reiner, Falco gripping his tattered jacket, taking his lip between his teeth. And Gabi, though not wanting to show it, began to sweat, small beads appearing along her hairline, causing her to glance at her cousin. Reiner stood, pulling them both behind him. He stood taller, lifting his head up. It’s not that he had any pride left, he just couldn’t let these kids die. 

The figure finally settled in front of him, a chair being placed behind them, “Relax,” Commander Hanji Zoe said. Waving her hand with a small smile, she looked more aged than what Reiner remembered her to be. Small lines gracing her face, a black eyepatch pulled over her face beneath her glasses. Her dark brown hair framing her face elegantly. She was different, but Reiner felt something familiar light within him when she made eye contact with him. Her eye shining brightly, curiosity glowing. 

“Reiner Braun. Gabi Braun. Falco Grice. Correct?” She began, swinging a leg across her other, her hands falling neatly in her lap. They don’t respond, but she doesn’t really need them too. 

She just chuckles, “I only want to speak to you. I can promise that no harm will come to you, so, please, speak.”

Reiner shifted a bit, his shoulders easing the tension built high. He glanced down at the kids holding onto him, offering them a quick flash of a smile, he let out a sigh, “You’re correct.”

Her smile grows wider, almost enough to let unease build within him, but he brushes it off, “Great!” She cries, “You are from Marley? Right?”

“Right.”

Her face suddenly shifts, hands coming up to meet in a fist, resting against her chin, glasses glinting in the torch light, “And you hold the armoured titan?”

Reiner is apprehensive with his next answer, they already know this? So why ask? What could she possibly be getting at? He nods his head slowly.

“Which one of these children was chosen to eat you?” 

The question shocks him to his very core. It’s not that it was a hard question to answer, but the possibilities it presents causes something to coil in his stomach, something to snap in his mind. He couldn’t tell them. He couldn’t let them know that it was - 

“I am,” Falco’s voice was steady, his face calm, hands down by his sides. He’s standing taller, head held higher, he’s making himself seem older, more reliable. He’s trying to do what Reiner did. 

“Falco!” Gabi gasps, releasing Reiner’s coat sharply, as if she’s been burned. Her eyes wide, she looks almost offended. No, she probably is, but that anger is overshadowed by the fear. The fear and terror that clings to her like a second skin, it is repugnant. And it kept her from answering. 

Another glint passes over Hanji’s glasses, she moves her head back, sitting straight in her chair, “Is that so?”

“It is,” He says again, moving closer to the bars. 

Reiner reaches out, seizing his arm, eyes wide, “Falco,” he hisses, “What are you doing?”

“I have no idea,” the boy admits sheepishly, soft silver eyes gleaming with tears before steeling over with sudden will-power, “But I’m doing it.”

Hanji smiles once more, standing. Gesturing for towards the end of the hallway, “Well. Mr. Falco Grice, I hope that you and I can be great friends. I have a few questions for you as does…”She trails off as the door opens with a loud groan. 

Footsteps echo, and _she_ comes into view. The sight of her almost makes Reiner rush forward, he wants to clutch at her shirt and apologize. He wants to breathe her in so badly his lungs burn. He wants her to smile at him. He wants her to hold his face in her hands, wipe the tears from his eyes and whisper, _“It’s ok, Reiner...it’ll all be ok.”_

“As do I,” she finishes. She flashes Falco a smile, the sight putting drawing a relieved sigh from the young boy, his shoulders dropping slightly. He can tell that she's different from the other day, her demeanor is warmer and friendly. 

She gestured towards the guard, “Meyer.” 

The guard came scurrying forward, reaching to her side to pull a ring of keys, a soft jingle lightening the room slightly. The door swings open with a small whine, the hinges worn and rusted. 

He was so close. She was right there, the torch light illuminating her face and hair. The simple button up she had brought an aching sense of nostalgia to him. He reached out for her, pulling along Gabi, her name rising in his throat. It danced on his tongue, thundering between his teeth and just as he opened his mouth to release it she spoke. 

“Don’t worry,” She said gently, holding a kind hand out towards Flaco, “I promise I’ll bring you back, I just have a few things I’d like to ask you, is that alright?”

He nodded and stepped forward, tentatively, he took her hand. 

Gabi walked after him, her hand reaching out to him. Her eyes were wide, his name falling out her lips. Despite what they’d gone through, despite all those years of pushing and shoving each other to reach for that Warrior status, she was his friend. She was someone he grew up with, “ **FALCO**!” 

He stopped and turned, she all but ran into him. Thumping her fists on his chest, clenching at his shirt, “You can’t go with her... _please_ …”

A look of horror passed across his face, body going stiff, letting his hand drop out of hers. He was second guessing himself, he didn’t trust her, hell, he probably didn’t trust anyone. 

But of course, she stepped in. She dropped down, resting her body on her feet, balancing her weight evenly, “It’ll be ok, I promise. I won’t hurt him, I’ll bring him back when I’m done, ok?”

Gabi was unswayed, holding onto him tighter, her eyes narrowing. Falco placed a comforting hand over Gabi’s, “I’ll come back.”

She pulled her hand away, letting it drop to her side. Her face was blank, shuddering as she tried to breathe in, “Reiner…” 

He pulled her close to him, trying to bring her a solace of comfort, but he’s never been particularly good at that.

_“When my little brother used to get upset I would just hold him, most of the time kids just need to cry it out - or scream it out…”_

Her voice echoes in his mind distantly, an aged memory of a time before time. A world before the one he was standing on began to fall apart. But her advice is valid, so he cradles her in his arms, shushing her when she tries to apologize or wiggle out and she cries. 

She cries and sobs, calling for her mother and father, it’s gut wrenching, it’s painful. She cries and woes for Zofia and Udo. Her hands clench onto the fabric of Reiner’s shirt, tight enough he thinks she might rip it. But he’s not concerned. Her tears dampen his shirt, and it presses to his skin, her snot wiping over his neck as she tries to burrow further into him. It’s ok, she just needs to let it out. 

After what could be described as forever, she calms down. Her sobs quieting to small groans of sadness and sniffles. The tears on her face in the process of drying. Hanji sits through it all, watching with her face pressed into a line.

“I’m sorry,” She says, “And it won’t bring back what you’ve lost, I know it won’t...but I truly am sorry.”

______

Silence settled after Falco left. Gabi going silent and still, her body drained of tension, lax in Reiner’s arms. It unnerved him, he couldn’t recall a time when she was ever this calm. Even as a baby she was always moving, wiggling and screeching within someone's hold. And now here she was collapsed in a heap of exhaustion, broken. Not completely, not Gabi is stronger than that. Stronger than most. But right now she was confused, everything her strength was built upon was crumbling to the ground, and it broke Reiner to know he could do nothing to stop it. 

He felt for her, he really did. He wished it could have been different, He thought it would be different, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t different at all. Kids were going to die. People were going to die. A nation was going to win at the expense of those that fought live with blood on their hands. 

“I’m sorry,” Reiner whispered, pressing a small kiss to her hair, she couldn't’ hear him, but it’s ok. His apology probably would’ve just broken her anyway.

Falco still hasn't come back and the more time that passed the more antsy Reiner grew. Something growing beneath his skin, crawling up the back of his mind. What if they had taken him away? What would he tell Gabi? What would he tell his brother or his mother? What if he wasn’t being treated right? Had they - had they _killed_ him? 

He shook his head.

_No_. She wouldn’t let that happen. She would protect him, keep him safe. Falco was safe because she would keep him safe, because she was there with him. 

He turned to look out the bars, a new soldier had come by. Reiner couldn't make out their face, it was shaded by the tilt of their head, but their demeanor was different. Their gaze - though not directed at either Reiner or Gabi - was dangerous. The grip they had on their rifle too tight for Reiner to be comfortable with. 

This soldier was here to kill. 

“-and then, as we were running, I was able to run _ahead_ of her!” An excited voice cried, it was young. Following the vibrant sounds of their voice, were a rush of footsteps, echoed by softer slides of feet. Falco. 

Something unwinded within Reiener, causing him to let out a slow breath he wasn’t even sure he was holding in. 

_“You did!?_ ” Someone cried, voice equally bright and charismatic. He breasted it in, that was it. The voice he’d longed to hear. It was just as he remembered it. Her.

It had the same bright timber as it did all those years ago. Her words holding dreams and sorrow, he could imagine it. He could hear her smile, the way it reached her eyes, the way her spirit blossomed around everyone she knew. It was almost like it had been before the world went to shit. 

The rhythm of their footsteps came to a halt, shadows passing over Reiner, the torch light assisted by the natural light of the small window. When she passed into view, Reiner sucked in a breath, a warm smile on her face. 

She had a gentle hand on Falco’s shoulder, looking down at him kindly, using her other hand to gesture towards the guard.

They moved forward, footsteps smooth and at ease, fishing the keys from their pocket with grace. 

“I brought you back,” she huffed, glancing down at Falco foundly, “Just like I said I would.”

Falco nodded, face flushing red with embarrassment, “I’m sorry about her, she's hot-headed…”

Letting out a small gust of laughter, she just ruffles his hair, catching the cell door as it swings open,” It’s ok.”

Reiner knows what she’s thinking, he knows that she can see Eren in Gabi. Anyone could. It was uncanny.

“I’ll let her sleep,” she says, turning her attention towards him for the first time since she arrived, it makes him self-conscious, nervous, “You’ll be next.”

“Me?” He says, it’s a little too loud and Gabi stirs with a groan.

She nods, averting her gaze, her body is more rigid now. Back pulled straight, eyes cold, mouth pressed into a firm line, “Yes, you,” she accepts a pair of handcuffs that the officer hands her, “But you’ll need to wear these.”

“Is that really necessary?” Falco asks, a grimace on his face.

She visibly cringes, but doesn’t turn to look at them.

“Yes, it is.” 

__________

Her eyes were steeled over, face pressed into a hard line. A pen sat gently in her hand, paper resting against the wooden table The room itself was bare, only a table and two chairs. The guards had done him the favor of removing his handcuffs once he’d been seated into the wooden chair. She sat across from him, her breathing calm and steady. She was the picture of stability and it unnerved Reiner. Sweat began to creep down his back, his hands clenching at the seams of his pants. He wished that she’d say something. _Anything_.

He wished that she’d yell or scream, laugh or spit in his face, anything. The silence was suffocating.

“How’ve you been?” Her words caused him to go stiff, but the sound of her voice reaches his ears and dissipates within him like air. 

He doesn’t respond to her, not at first. A few beats of silence wash over them, Reinre still reeling from the shock and nostalgia that thunders within him, “I’ve been ok,” he begins, lying through his teeth, “I’ve been ok.”

Her eyebrows momentarily raise, she doesn’t believe him, but nonetheless, she flashes him an unamused smile, “ _Good_ , I’m glad.”

More silence passes. Reiner wants to hear her speak, he longs for it, but he’s fine with the silence. He can look at her undisturbed. He’s staring, of course he is. The thought of it being uncomfortable doesn’t quite register to him. His eyes trace over the shape of her nose and down to her lips, heart ramping within his chest. She’s beautiful. 

She always has been. 

But she seems to have had enough of his antics, dropping the pen and folding her hands together, “What’s next?” She asks. 

Her voice is sharp, punctuated but her cold gaze, Reiner shivers, “What?”

“Well,” she starts, readjusting herself, balancing the pen between the table and her finger, “We’ve captured all of Marley’s titan power. You and I both know they wouldn’t just let us sit with it, so,” her gaze shifts to capture his eyes, “What’s next?”

She wasn’t wrong. Marley wouldn't just sit there and allow their power to be taken away. Especially when Titan power has been the premise of their political power for years, but he doesn't know.

“I don't know.”

She signed, leaning closer, “ Reiner...I know you know, you have to.”

He reached forward, trying to capture her hand, but she pulled back. It hurt. Rejection hurt. Burning deep within him,clawing at his throat. He wanted her to believe him, to trust him, but he’d recked that all those years ago. 

He can still see her face. Broken and betrayed. Her eyes wide with disbelief, clinging to her ODM gear, cape fluttering around her. She looked at him with fear, like he was a monster 

“What do you know?” Her words brought him back to reality, blinking dully at her. 

“I told you,” He said slowly, raising his eyes to meet hers, “I don’t know.”

He shivered. The look in her eyes was enough to make him want to crawl into himself. It gave him whiplash to think of how kind her eyes had once been, how warm. Holding his entire being within her iris, fanning the flames of his love with her eyelashes. He remembers those sleepless nights he spent staring into her eyes, tracing a soft finger over her lips as the sun peeked through the horizon. Pressing butterfly kisses to her cheeks and lips as she slipped out of the boys barracks just in the nick of time. 

“ _Please_ , believe me.” 

It was an unfair reach, he was trying so desperately to get her to look at him once more , but she was unwavering, “I _did_ , once upon a time, Reiner.” 

God, he wanted to cry. He wanted to apologize. He didn’t want to hurt her, he wanted to spare her from this. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” he whispered. 

She drew a soft breath, scrunching her eyes shut, clenching the pen in her hand. Her eyebrows furrowed, lip trembling. 

He reached for her again, heart clenching at the sight, but she drew away again, “ **Don’t touch me.”**

He pulled his hand back, an apology on his lips, but she beat him to it, “People have died, Reiner. People have _died_ . Our - _My_ friends have died - my family is dead because of _you_. You don't get to feel sorry for yourself.” Her tone is dark and seething, thick with emotion as tears gathered along her waterline.

“We _trusted_ you.”

“I know.”

“We would have _died_ for you.”

“I know.”

She went silent, hand clenching and unclenching, breathing in harshly through her nose, tears threatening to fall, “You don’t know anything?”  
  


“I don’t,” Reiner promised, voice cracking, hands pressed flat against the table. He let all his weight glue him to the chair. If not, he’d reach over and pull her into his arms. 

She nodded, harshly wiping at her eyes and collecting her papers, “Ok, then we’re done here.”

As she made a move to leave, straightening her spine and pulling her body up, Reiner surged forward. His movement was sharp and fast, but his grip on her wrist was soft and gentle. She’d be able to break his grasp at any time. She turned to him, a single tear falling gracefully down her cheek. 

Tentatively, he moved closer, sidestepping his chair. She didn’t move, frozen within his hold, letting out a shuddering breath. He gently released her, bringing his hand up to her face, cupping her cheeks within his palms. He dragged his thumb across the tear, smearing it across the bridge of her nose and the swell of her cheeks, slowly connecting their foreheads. Tears began to build within his eyes, glossing over his vision, his face burned. She brought her hands up to grasp at Reiner’s forearm, not to pull him away, but to anchor herself. 

She was so closer. Her skin meeting his hands, her breath mingling with his own, her tears falling onto his fingertips. He could smell her, feel her pounding heartbeat. She was here.

She was here.

He found her eyes in the midst of his blurred vision, pulling them into a locked gaze. Her eyes glistened with sadness and the beginnings of warmth. He wanted nothing more than to pull her closer, but he refused. He felt that if he held her any tighter, she’d crumble to dust in his hands. He felt that if he held her any closer, she’d be consumed by his anger, his guilt, his self-hatred. 

“Why’d you have to do this?” She whispered, closing her eyes and tightening her grip on him, letting out a shuddering breath, “We - We were supposed to - to…” 

She doesn’t finish her sentence, but he doesn’t need her too. He knows all the promises he broke when he chose Marley over her. 

“I’m sorry,” he admitted, “ I’m so sorry.” 

Her eyes re-opened and he felt as if she could see him again, gentle and warm. Mouth quirecked in the slighted, showing a ghost of a smile, “I know.”

He let the silence pass over them, drenching them in night and sorrow, shading over them like drawn out shadows. He breathed her in, letting the beat of her life mimic his own, he had so much to say, but the words died in his throat. 

But one thing trekked from the crops of his never spoken words, “You kept the ring?”

She didn’t say anything, only letting her hand drop from his wrist and feel around her collar for the thin rope. SHe didn’t pull it out, she only let her fingers hover over the indention it made on the fabric. With a soft sigh, she let the weight of her head fall completely into Reiner’s hands and he felt something within him bloom. He was doing it, holding the entire world - _his_ world in his hands. 

“I-” He began, but she quickly put her finger over his lips, screwing her eyes shut, pressing harder against his forehead. 

“ _Don’t_ ,” she whispered, withdrawing her face from his hands, “Don’t do that to me.”

He stared at her with hurt eyes, body growing cold, Blooming relief wilting, dried out by sharp rejection. Apologies rose within his throat, but he clamped his jaw. If she wanted him silent, he’d stay silent. If she wanted him to rip the world apart with his bare hands, he’d do it. If she wanted him to fight god, he’d do it. He would do whatever just to see her smile at him or ever look at him. She didn’t move her body, finger still pressed against his lips, pressure a little lighter. 

“Why’d you do this to me? Why can’t I hate you the way I’m supposed to?” Her words weren’t for Reiner, but for herself.. She sighed, slowly opening her eyes, meeting Reiner’s. Her gaze confused him. It spoke of anger, but of sadness, the drying on her cheeks spoke of forgiveness, but the pressure of her finger said, _‘I have not yet gotten there.’_

She breathed in deeply once more, leaning forward. Reiner went still, afraid that if he so much as breathed she’d leave. 

She pressed a quick butterfly kiss to his nose, resting quickly against him before turning away, leaving Reiner frozen in the middle of the room. She strode towards the door, wiping her eyes and knocking on the door, “We’re done,” she said. 

Two soldiers marched in and drifted out, holding her hands close to her ches. The two soldiers grabbed his wrist, clicking the handcuffs over him. They gave him a less than gentle shove, holding him securely. 

Reiner’s head began to spin, face going red. He hadn’t breathed, staring at the empty space. Chasing after the warmth that was quickly leaving his face. He was cold. So cold. So, so very cold. 

He breathed out in a gasp. 

The air around him is sharp and empty, enclosing him tightly. He’d breathed.

He’d _breathed_. 

He’d _breathed_ and she was _gone_.

She was gone again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little fic!  
> Don’t be shy, leave me a comment on your thoughts, corrections, or things you’d like to read in the future.  
> [psa: comments keep me motivated and help me know that my work is being read and seen, so, please:) no pressure 🥺💕]


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